Healing my childhood through my boy’s childhood.


I’m lying on my bed with by boys.  I’m nursing Sam and blogging (of course) and watching a Disney movie with Arjan.  I love Disney so very much.  Most children movies out there have such great messages of healing, redemption, overcoming great obstacles, and believing in yourself and the power of your dreams.  If you really get deep and analyze some of the Disney films there is a definite metaphysical undercurrent.  Just listen to some of those songs.  Take that song “When You Wish Upon A Star” from Cinderella.

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

Is that not the Law’s of the Universe?  The Law of Attraction?  If you follow your heart’s desire with all the passion within you, the Universe will rise up and meet you all the way and nothing can stop your destiny, not with Spirit backing you all the way.  Beautiful.

I could write a whole book on some of the movies and books out there for children these days.  They are magical, spiritual, and filled with love and kindness.

Even the cartoons are all educational and wrapped in lessons of compassion, true friendship, community, self-reflection, kindness, and helping others.  I don’t remember this in my childhood.  We had Bugs Bunny and his crazy crew.  There were a lot of anvils on the head and falling off cliffs, one character working hard toward the demise of another.  Tom and Jerry, Bugs and the Hunter, the Road Runner and the Coyote.  Lord, if we learned anything, it was that where there was a will to live there was a way…no matter how many times you were blown up.

I adore my boy’s childhood.  I didn’t have much of one.  I remember the cartoon, Porky Pig, and I don’t think there was any being read to.  My mother was much too intellectual for that or maybe it was the age.  In the 70’s women were still smoking and drinking through their pregnancies.  I look back and I’m just amazed us kids made it.  My cousins, friends, and I were left to our own devices often and not in the best situations, while the parents had too many cocktails and smoked hundreds of cigarettes, completely immersed in their big conversations.

I had a bleak childhood and my mother treated me like a grown up far before I even had a chance to go through the change of pubescence.  I was reprimanded for acting goofy, serious was expected.  Feelings were a luxury, laughter was a rarity.

When I spend a morning sipping my coffee and watching Sesame Street with my boys and getting way more out of it than they do, or when I read them countless fairytales, when we go to the park and I climb all the toys and slide down all the slides, when I cuddle them all night, or make up excuses to buy toys and go out for ice cream…I know that I’m living a childhood I didn’t have through them.

I am giving them a childhood I didn’t experience, but I am now and it’s very healing.  I am enjoying every minute of them being little and I’m already lamenting them growing out of all this.  I would have a baby every few years if I could just so I could have toys in my bathtub and an excuse to watch Disney for decades.  But these two are it.  I had my tubes tied and I’m 45 years old.  I don’t need to follow my great grandmother on the Italian side and have my last baby at 50.

I just need a few more years to be a child with my children.  To suck up every moment of fun as we skip through the forest and swing on the monkey bars.  I need excuses to bake cookies and watch Frozen 12 times (yes, my boys LOVED Frozen and I did several psycho analyzations on the characters).

My sons are the most beautiful things that have ever happened to me.  I had longed for them since I was 5 years old and when I turned 40 I thought that was a gone dream.  Now 5 years later I have these two and I look at them, smell them, squeeze them until they squeak just a little, and I want time to slow down.  I realize that I’m in the most precious time with them, this is when they are so innocent and sweet and I am their world.  They love their mama more than anything or anyone.  When I’m sitting in the grass and they are putting flowers in my hair and chanting, “Mama! Mama!”  I realize that it’s the first time I have ever been loved so deeply, so purely, so honestly.  My husband’s love is pretty deep and pure also, but nothing tops your own babies.

And having come from a rough life that had lacked much love for decades, both from outer and inner aspects, I know that these sons of mine have come to do their karmic job of healing their mother so she can laugh and be goofy for the remaining decades of her life.


10 thoughts on “Healing my childhood through my boy’s childhood.

  1. Fary Tales are full of magical, universal wisdom…and children do understand it from a deep level…
    I remember healing my own inner child when I tought children from 3 to 5 years old many many years ago. I knew that that teaching years were meant to do the healing and reconnecting with my own small beeing. It worked that way for me… Many blessings to you and your little ones ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, thanks so much for asking… I live in the North of Italy… no big earthquakes here… but I feel very much for the towns and the people suffering now… Strangely the evening of the earthquake I made a doll called “The Spirit of the place”, “Lo Spirito del luogo” and the day after I learned of the disaster…
        it’s here, on one of my blogs http://ifollettidiboscofatato.blogspot.it/

        Liked by 1 person

      2. What a beautiful website!! And google translated it! I love the set up and you are incredibly talented. It’s magical and I LOVE magical! I love the jewelery and crafts. I will take a look more deeply later. So honored to have you on my site.


  2. Thank you so much! I’m also a musician… here’s my site, you can listen free to 2 of my albums on the first page and to some other music on youtube… it’s called MUSIKA MAGIKA…. I managed to translate a bit here 🙂 musikamagika.blogspot.it

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will! Just give me some time, I am in the process of two books, this blog…and you gave me a great idea by the way…
      I think I heard some of the music when I was on your sight and I enjoyed it. That is the best kind of music for background with children.


  3. Kate,

    This is my life too. The healing of my own sad and sometimes violent childhood began first when I met my husband and later when we were lucky enough to have a daughter when I was almost 40 years old. Raising her in the safe home I had craved as a child has almost completely erased the pain of a difficult early life.
    Just enough of the memory of that time remains to remind me of the challenges that others live with today. Those memories (softened with time) help me to empathize with my teenage students and hopefully to help them see that they will some day be able to improve their own lives as adults. I am sure your blog and your honesty help many.

    It is always encouraging to find that others share the same struggles and triumphs. Your little boys are very lucky, and I know they will appreciate the home you and your husband are providing just as my own 20 year old appreciates her parents and the sacrifices we have made for her.

    (I’ll try not to bother you any more with my comments 🙂



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