Living in the Tao.

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The above title is me attempting humor at my early pre-rooster hours, obviously.  However, I wrote something the other day about Tao this and Zen that…and then my little brain paused and went back to the Tao idea.  What would it be like to be Taoish or Zenish in my life with the boys?  And what is it?  I explore all the science of mind and the chemical makeup of energy and vibrations and blah, blah, blah…but this sounded peaceful.  And it is.  I looked it up and it is, in a quick nutshell, the art of going with the flow.  How dreamy is that?

I’m on to another semester in learning of my own creation.  I haven’t officially started homeschooling my little ones (although don’t they start the minute they’re born?), but I realized this morning that I’m sort of in my own self-made college.  This last semester was all about Home Economics.  I spent so much time as of late reading and researching everything under the sun regarding homemaking.  That can be fun.  Before that was Home Financing and Debt Management (or Dissolution more like), but now it is time for some Spiritual Reflection.  That is this semester’s class line up.  And added to that is some Swedish Fiction.

I found this new author (new to me) Fredrik Backman.  He is a Swedish blogger turned author and he’s written 3 books;  A Man Called Ove,  My Grandma Asked Me To Tell You She’s Sorry, Britt-Marie Was Here.  I have ordered all 3 from the library and they sound so charming I can’t wait to immerse myself.

I am also going in deep with my old love, Paramahansa Yogananda with Journey to Self Reflection  (although I may overdo this already) and A World In Transition.  I cannot wait.  Autobiography of a Yogi was life changing.  I read it twice and each time my life would take these profound shifts.  Everyone who reads this book says the same thing and I didn’t believe it.  It’s a hard book to get through, it’s poetic, strange, deep, a long and intense read and there will be stories you may not be able to wrap your brain around, however, it does something to the spirit and you change and your life follows this change within you.  I didn’t believe until months after the first time I read it.  I was thinking about how different my life was from so many previous months and I realized that it started changing after the book.  So, I read it again.  More changes.  I have been meaning to delve into it the 3rd round but was told that The Journey To Self Reflection is even deeper.

I have produced my last homemaking book, for now, The Funky and Frugal Housewife.  I am going into my own memoirs and then will go back to fiction.  And that is were my next aha moment came.  I realized that I love writting, but I just can’t do romance.  I don’t even enjoy reading romance.  I find it cheesy and boring.  Except for Amish fiction and romance.  When I was pregnant with Sammy I became addicted to Amish fiction, so much so that the librarian made a comment about being unaware that there were so many Amish fiction writers.  Yes, mr. librarian, there are!  I must have been Amish in a past life, because I returned home when I read those books.  It’s clean, wholesome goodness without the kissing and sex scenes.  I’ve always been disturbed watching or even reading about others humping away.  I don’t even watch myself (my husband is included of course), why oh why would I want to watch others doing the absolutely most private, intimate thing in the world?

The other moment I had was yesterday when I went to an ugly, overpaved, strip mall side of town to shop at this hideous store called DD’s Discounts.  I was buying toys for my husband’s friend’s children for his trip.  I shopped as fast as I could and got the hell out of there.  The cart was so filthy I was sure Sammy would have a staph infection by the time we got to the check out.  The informed me that the cart was not to go outside and all I could think was, “how the hell did it get so filthy if the outdoors isn’t partly to blame?”  As we entered the parking lot we were assaulted with some ghetto music blaring out words that I cannot, for politically correct reasons, say on this blog.

I quickly raced into the city of Sacramento with all the trees and old houses, old buildings and old charm.  We shopped at the Health Food Co-0p where we haven’t been going for months because of this new damn budget.  I was so happy to be back with the smell of wheat germ and sprouts, all the organics, and healthy foods.  I was happy to be with all the granola people again with their glowing skin and bright eyes from eating all that alive food and working in a progressive and positive environment.

I live in Sacramento, a city of 1.2 million and it sprawls out everywhere.  There are charming parts, new suburbs, old neighborhoods, some are now ghettos and some are improved and have some character.  It’s farm and river meet Urban sprawl at it’s worst and best.  This place grew way too much, way too fast and they didn’t plan it out.  Some new developments are done much better as far as being more attractive, more trees, and lush growth…but in the past, they just cemented over and threw up strip malls.  They are now the shitty side of town.

I have decided that from now on I am avoiding certain areas like the plague and I will be like that desert lizard I read in my son’s book, I will only have a one-mile radius I live in.  Being that I’m not a lizard I will expand that area to…more miles and areas, but why suffer the “other” side?  This Urban living is so bizarre to me still.  I have my favorite sides of town and favorite stores and I’m sticking to that.  I also don’t care if we are on a budget…I am refusing to go to Winco all the time.  I will have to make do with my grocery allotment of $150 weekly at the Co-op.

So, how does this all go with the Tao?  Perfectly, as I read more, it is about following the natural rhythms of nature and of your inner nature, not forcing what is not comfortable in your heart, what does not feel good and right.  It’s about finding what feels natural and good to you.  Every once in a while we need to check in and ask ourselves, “do I really like shopping at this crap store just to save a buck?” or “Do I get uncomfortable in this part of town?” or “what would I really like to read or listen to or watch that makes me feel good, happy, inspired?”  Feel good, do what feels good, go where it feels good… and there you will find yourself.

So, here I go…more of that “wax on, wax off”.

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