Happy, peaceful and manifest all I desire! Wowee! I want this and I want it bad. I’m studying, reading Law of Attraction on my beloved tread climber, I’m listening to Abraham via Esther Hicks seminars on Youtube while cleaning my kitchen, I’m thinking through my life while folding laundry, I’m blogging about my feelings with my sweet, creamy coffee. I’m trying to be in the Vortex (your happy place) even as I nag my husband or screech my son’s name for the 10th time to come to lunch.
I feel good, Bali gets a raise, I sell 8 books…then something happens. The good gifts stop coming. Then I get in funky, blue moods after being on joy street for good run. It’s too much work. It’s not supposed to be according to the ethereal beings that Esther channels. I want to believe this, I want to believe in magic and happy endings, that unicorns once ran wild and maybe too much inbreeding made them lose their horns…I want to believe in fairies and that I have spirit guides with me at all times. Part of this I do believe. I do believe we have guides. I do believe that we can draw good or bad to us. I do believe in more magic than we can see. Of course, it’s not magic, it’s our given right. It’s even in the bible. Ask and it is given. Seek and ye shall find. Hallelujah!
So, what the hell is happening? Why can’t I master this manifestation job? It sounds so simple, it probably is…but you see, I’m not simple and on top of that, I’m still wounded deep down inside. I’m still working from my mother, my grandmother, and who knows what other ancestor’s platform of worry, fear, anger, guilt, shame, and lack of belief in the unseen.
I finally heard what gave me that “What? Now I get what I’m doing wrong!” moment. I was listening to Esther and she talked about sloppy thinking. It’s where we think constantly about what is and what we feel about all the things around us, creating a soup that we swim in that is constantly stopping and stalling our creations. I do this. I think, think, think all day and I pass opinions and judgments on every single, dingle thing around me. I am in a constant state of assessing and liking or disliking everything around me. I have no peace in my mind. I worry about little and big things I can’t control. I cry for the world, I cry for the shelter dogs, I cry for my inner child…I’m a well organized and tidy little mess.
I feel like I’ve spent decades working on myself. Reading all the self-help and improvement, watching all the deep spiritual documentaries, taking months of classes through the Center of Spiritual Living. I should be living in a cave with the masters at this point. No, I still wring my hands and rant when I watch CNN. So I don’t watch it anymore.
I then had a big epiphany; Yes, I have read and watched and studied…but, did I ever really do the work entailed to really change my mind completely? Did I ever really detox my mind, heal it, cleanse it, retrain it to think in a totally different way from how it had been trained to think for over 30 years?
I was raised with great mental and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother and, although I moved away and I even stopped speaking with her for a few years here and there, I was still in her life and serving her right up to the end of her life 8 years ago. The months of spiritual classes made a big difference and prepared me for taking care of her in her last 2 weeks. Being with her through her transition was an amazing time of healing and further changed and shifted my life. The next big move was when I finally really got sober completely and for good, that was another huge shift and empowering time. Then came marriage and babies and I got busy and happy. Sesame street and learning to cook from scratch, mastering frugality and house cleaning was my new spiritual practice. I could care less about my mind.
But I should have, because the work was still stacked on my minds desk waiting for me to return to it. My unhappy and distressed mind came in the form of turning my worry from self to the world and all the pain and suffering out there. Although my husband, who is completely normal and grounded, would repeatedly say, “Basanti, focus on your home and yourself…why worry about out there?”. Yes, so simple…didn’t work for me. I need charts and maps, diagrams and list. I need meetings and conventions, stacks of books all on the same subject. When you are wounded deep inside from decades of being told you are nothing and will never matter in so many colorful and imaginative ways, when the very light in you is almost snuffed out over time, it takes a little more than an Indian husband with his simple Indian philosophy of “just be happy” to turn the light back on.
I am so much farther than anyone with my past should be. I am blessed with unseen forces and guides watching, leading, supporting me. I have done a lot of work. Now it’s time for the BIG stuff. The final work to change it all.
I have to really commit 100% to detoxing my mind and dismantling all my mother’s work. Then completely focus on feeling good despite the circumstances of my surroundings. That means that I listen over and over to the teachings of Law of Attractions and Abraham and then spend the whole day thinking and feeling good. Sometimes it would probably behoove me to not think at all.
I heard a story of a friend’s friend who heard some Law of Attraction or The Secret that really spoke to her. She spent two months listening to it every single day and then she would focus on only things she found pretty or attractive. If, for example, she saw an ugly car she would think nothing of it, turn away quickly and focus on a nice car and put her attention there. I’m sure there was more to it, but this is the only bit I got. Within two months of this, she actually received a new car. How? I didn’t get that part either. I would love to talk to this woman, but oh well. So, there it is in a nutshell. You find a message that speaks to you and read or listen daily. I listen to Esther and Abraham daily. You focus on feeling good, seeing good, surrounding yourself with good. You stay happy and peaceful no matter what and you don’t give even a split second to anything else that is not happy, positive, and solution oriented.
Sure, you may have to work on this for some time. You may have to talk yourself up and out of some depressions or anger. It may take some time to get up there in the happy Vortex. But then you must stay.
I have a chalkboard by my coffee pot and it says, “The Universe knows what I want and it’s on its way!” I should add “if I would only get out of the way!”.
I’ve been on a mission since my 46th birthday. I just upped the anty. I see it working in my life but in little trickles, because as soon as I get happy and things start flowing…I start complaining of something such as the graffiti in the neighborhood or our presidential candidates. You CAN’T DO THAT and stay in the happy vortex. You have to turn away and focus on your sweet cat or the nice places in your neighborhood minus graffiti, or all the lovely people out there doing great works.
Yes, you have to live in a dream world and stay in the bubble. I’m going for it.
Many good and happy vortex days to you all!