The Funky Housewife.

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I LOVE, LOVE being a homemaker!  With that said, I’ll admit that I haven’t been the best of one lately…because, I LOVE, LOVE writing!  I write my books, I write my blogs, I read about writing and write about writing and dream about writing and wake up at 2:30 in the morning to write down thoughts, I scribble ideas on napkins in the truck and think about my next blog while folding laundry.

I don’t expect much from blogging.  I am not as crisp and sparkly, professional or quick witted as most out there and it took me 4 months to figure out how to categorize my blogs.  I try getting ideas off other blogs, but it’s really intimidating.  Some of these stay at home mothers are intense.  They make fancy things with string and foam and decorate their cookies with flower petals from their big gardens and take professional photos of step by step procedures on making organic play dough.  They have a whole weeks worth of blogs on how to fold fitted sheets and alphabetize your pantry.  Holly shit! These ladies are talented and cracked out on some kind of coffee I need in my life!

So I thought to myself, “I can do that!”  I made a homemade pizza and took pictures…with my cell phone.  I forgot to take the first three steps and one of the middle steps, but you get the idea (I’ll put it up here as soon as I figure out how to download it to my laptop).  One of my hinges broke off my linen cupboard because I’ve taken to just wading up my fitted sheets and shoving them in there and forcing the cupboard closed.  I wrote a book Queen of Penny Pinching and then proceeded to fall off the frugal wagon and had to turn the finances over to my husband because I can’t trust myself right now.  I’m really f–king sick of pinching pennies.  I want all that abundance that we talk about in metaphysics.

I used to be a pretty good housewife.  Baking and cleaning 24/7.  Then I discovered two things far more important.  First, that my beautiful babies were growing really, really fast and I needed to stop and stare at them for the next 15 years (or until they hit pubescence and yell, “stop staring at me mom, GOD, how weird!”).  Second, that I love to write and think…and talk, share my thoughts and ideas, help others live better, make people laugh at how ridiculous it ALL is, and expand my world through blogging.  My homemaking was declining.  Then I learned how to do it faster, easier…really streamline this job.  Everything from cleaning, tidying, cooking, and shopping is done more efficiently than ever.  That is the kind of homemaker I am!

I love a clean house and I love tidy.  I actually can’t think when there is a mess, but my idea of tidy lately is seeing how much crap I can stuff in drawers and the closet in the hallway.   I purposely downsized us to a tiny cottage in town from a huge house in the country so I could cut my cleaning in half or less (and cut cost so I’d have more money to spend).  I am constantly putting items on the curb with a free sign.  I call it de-cluttering and write about this in my books, but honestly, I get rid of stuff because I want to make cleaning my house easier and more efficient…so I can get back to writing.  I don’t have time to dust nick knacks or move around 20 pieces of furniture to mop for Christ sake!  There’s writing to be done!  There are sandcastles to be made!

I do have an opinion about home cooking.  I take pride in my cook from scratch methods.  I feel that a house really becomes a home when there is a lot of cooking and baking going on in that kitchen.  The aromas of stewing and simmering, the clinking, and clanking of pots and the busyness of putting together a meal brings a home to life.  It feels like your heart is in your home! When you spend the day rolling out the dough and simmering tomatoes for a sauce, that feels like you adore being at home and you have the love of your family in your heart.  But it doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy.  There is no lamb roast with mint jelly going on here.  No dishes worth photographing.  Tonight I made homemade fries and cheese, rice and bean burritos.  An odd combo and loaded with carbs, but it’s my penny-pinching ways right now, I’m working with what I have.  And there are times I’m sick and tired of cooking and I get pre-made stuff at Trader Joe,s.  I call their food toy food, because of all the fun packages and play food like resemblance.

Everything I’ve written about in my books, I have fully experienced, researched, and tried out.  I have read huge stacks of books, read hundreds of blogs and articles, and watched endless YouTube videos or documentaries on every subject I write about.  I love talking about being thrifty, helping others get out of debt, showing mothers and fathers how to live off one income (no matter how tiny) so they can stay home with their babies.  I love nesting and cooking and even cleaning even if I don’t do great at it right now.

However, I am not one of those amazing homemakers that have a sparkly house like that lady, http://www.flylady.net/.  Now, that woman has it going on in the clean department, check out her site.  Then there is another lady I found the other day, http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/.  Holly shamolly!  She’s got everything you can dream of.  Now, these ladies are professionals.

I am a funky housewife.  I ask my husband if I should start a site called funkyhousewife.com just for my homemaking advice.  Too much work.  It’s all here or in my books.  I have tons of great and fun advice for those of you who love your home and home life but aren’t trying to win an award, who don’t care if the bottom sheet matches the top, and sometimes your home cooking catches fire.  I’m that advice Queen for the ladies who can decorate a whole house from the garage sales or who could give a toot about those coupons but can still cut the grocery bill in a big way.  I’m for the housewives who bring their own bags to the grocery store, can find organics at Winco, and drag their kids to the park in a wagon rather than drive the 2 blocks because she’s being green.

I’m also perfect for the stay at home dads or anyone just starting out and just wants to survive the week without losing a child at the store or having the other working spouse “relieve” them of their duties for reasons of incompetence.  For the more advanced of you ladies and gents, or those of you wanting to win an award…see the websites  Flylady.net and livingwellspendingless.com and they will lead you through fantastic cleanliness and organization.  Come to me when you want to get the job done quickly and get back to rolling around on the grass with the kids and whatever hobby you are currently invested in.

I’ll be waiting with my coffee!

 

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4 comments

  1. You are hilarious. I love the truth and I’m pretty sure two of my sister in laws would love this. I’ll be sharing for sure. I’m not a stay at home mom but it sounds fun to have the freedom to write, though I’d be torn on the cleaning too. I can’t write if the house isn’t spotless. My quirk. Organic play dough with pictures…who are those women? Haha.

    Liked by 1 person

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