(This was me with my first little baby boy Arjan)
It’s raining here in Yuba City. It’s been one of those dark gray days filled with rain that promises a lush spring to come next year. I have filled the house with warmth and glowing large cranberry red candles that have names like “holiday berry” and “warm winter spices”. My kitchen has been a hub of beans bubbling in the large crockpot, udon noodles and vegetables simmering on the stove, the counter busy with chopped salads, winter avocados, Roma tomatoes, and flour tortillas I’ve been cooking on the grill, along with butternut squash in the oven. Tea and coffee have been brewing all day. Music is playing and the boys are doing what Arjan calls dinosaur documentaries in the living room, I’m browsing through a The Encyclopedia of Country Living. I have just finished sweeping the entire house and vacuuming the area rugs.
This is a typical winter day for us. We play and eat, I cook and bake a lot when the weather is like this. The warmth from the oven and candle light makes up for the many hues of gloom outside. I also like to cook a lot for the next few days so I can do other fun things when the rain subsides.
I’m 47 years old and I have two little, fun, wise old souls that are 5 years and 3 years of age. I didn’t marry until I was 40. Talk about the nick of time.
When I found my Mr. Marriage we married within months and I was pregnant immediately after the wedding. A year later I had a period and the next month we moved to a new town and I was pregnant again. All this sounds so fast and easy, right?
Ah, however, there were endless years of crying myself to sleep, literally, of being beyond frustrated at still being single, being in another dead end relationship, being motherless and unwed year after year after year. By my 30’s I was downright jealous and bitter. I no longer spent time with friends with families. Sad, because I really missed out on some lovely people. I just couldn’t mask my envy and pain. I hand selected the single gals to drink too much wine with on the weekends and write our “dream man” list on full moons.
And that was a huge part of my problem. I cried and complained but I didn’t change things, I didn’t work toward actively manifesting a new life. I drank too much on the weekends, I smoked pot far too often and I hide a nighttime cigarette habit. I tried to make it more sophisticated with my tea and candles on the patio at night but I was ashamed of all my bad habits.
I also spent time with only single women that were having man issues themselves. If you want to manifest good things you find people that have what you want, you spend time in places that cultivate these dreams, and you get yourself in good, wholesome order.
In my late, late 30’s I finally began a huge life transformation that involved giving up all the bad habits, bringing in a huge spiritual life, making amends with a wretched mother and helping her pass on to the Spirit world, and working hard to become healthy mind, body, and soul. Soon after that I really began to live. I moved from the city to a small mountain town and managed a charming Chiropractic office, joined the local theater group with my bosses encouragement, then went on over the hill to move into a very pink victorian by the sea. I worked at a raw culinary school called Living Light and learned all about nutrition and organics, dabbled in the vegan and raw diet, cleansed my body deeply with huge salads and gallons of green juice.
I also watched a lot of Jane Austen and I focused on what I did want. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I enjoyed my life immensely and I dated a few men. It wasn’t all dreamy, of course. I was dumped by two men I really cared for but in reality, it was Gods gift of protection that they were removed. I finally met my Indian version of Mr. Darcy and after him gently pursuing me for 9 months I gave in. Then we moved fast. We were older, tired of dating, and both very ready to be married folk and I still had a deep down glimmer of hope at having a child. I had been very careless for 20 years and had never gotten pregnant so I had only the slightest sliver of hope.
I really think it was the deep body cleanse I underwent when I worked in the cafe part of the school for 6 months. I had years of yo-yo dieting and packed in the junk food, smoking, wine, and beer. I had a lot of clearing out to do before my body could bring life into it. But I’ll tell you, those green juices will clear everything out.
I went on to have a very easy and enjoyable pregnancy with both boys. My only complaint was heartburn with Arjan and nothing but some nausea with Sammy that was easily cured with a hearty meal. I did wind up with two C-Sections. I don’t know if I could have had Sam naturally, I was afraid to have anything go wrong so I just had a C-section anyway. Not the bravest but the doctors made me feel like Mother Time with their talk of “your advanced maternal age”. It was silly because I had the healthiest pregnancies were some of my younger friends wound up on bed rest and also having C-sections. I hear very young women having such issues and at 41 and 43 I had none. And I was not in amazing shape. I attempted some prenatal yoga and walking with no long-term commitment to either. I did eat very healthy though and especially when nursing I filled up on really nutritious food and clean water.
With more women waiting to have children and starting families late in life, this 40 something motherhood is becoming more and more common. With more and more older women having babies doctors are realizing that often an older woman will have a much healthier and easier pregnancy and their children are very healthy as well. Older women also make great mothers because we are done with the pubs, rat race, and traveling. We have done it all and are now ready to settle in and nest. We have more patience because we have hopefully healed our issues and slowed down. We prize our babies more because we have waited so long for these precious gifts.
My advice to future mothers out there would be to go out and live life to the fullest before you have the children. Have the intense career, climb that ladder, travel Europe, drink at the pub on the weekends, go clubbing every night…really get those yahoos out. You have lots of time. Motherhood is sweetest later in life because you come to a time when you don’t want to go out anymore and the career is no longer fulfilling. You want nothing more than to stay home on a weekend and watch Moana or The Little Mermaid with a big bowl of popcorn and little people snuggling under your arms. You love nothing more than waking up naturally with babies to nurse and drinking tea or coffee in your pajamas late morning while building a town out of blocks on the living room floor with Sesame Street on. You don’t feel like you are missing out on anything because you have already been out there in the wild and done it, seen it, lived it…and it didn’t amount to anything as golden as the moments you will have with your family.
I have had the office jobs and 4 hour commutes to the bay area. I’ve cared about my titles and money, obsessed with my weight and drank wine all night alone. What a crappy existence I had for so long.
This morning my eldest was talking to me in the kitchen as I made a pot of coffee. I am still in awe of my situation. Once there was just me…and my hound and two irritable cats. I joined with a man and we literally grew two little, adorable people. Now I go everywhere and do everything with these little people that came from my body. How bizarre and magical. What a happy ending.