Watching the Universe build your dreams.

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A few weeks ago I was sitting in my garden watching the yellow hen house and thinking about my street hen Lucy and her obsession with brooding. It is summer and hot and I couldn’t keep that girl out of the laying box. Bali had propped open the doors and put a screen on one big door to keep the breeze coming through. We kept chasing her out but she was so determined to hatch that unfertilized egg that she would come right back. She went from a lovely girl to quiet scraggly and bedraggled.

One day Bali said in passing, “That’s your sister out there.” Meaning that Lucy sitting on an egg that would never hatch was just like me praying that my Tubal Ligation would unravel or re canal.ย  As I thought about her in the egg laying box, sometimes sitting on nothing, but determined as hell, I realized my own silliness. Her egg was not going to hatch without a rooster and my tubes weren’t going to open up magically and let an egg flow through. We both needed to get real.

So, I sent Lucy and the other remaining hen off to a nice little farm where they would have hen friends, lots of land and a rooster.ย  Lucy’s dream of motherhood would now come true. And I picked up the phone and called Children’s Hope Foster care and explained my desires to have babies but didn’t know if we would fit the bill. They said they could work with us.

And they have. We are now in the thick of paperwork, orientations, finger scans, CPR classes, house inspections, and lots of prep work.

I cry with gratitude and realization that God was giving me a clear message all these years and I wasn’t just wacko. I also sit up at night and chew my nails and worry when it’s darkness all around me and everyone is asleep. What have I gotten into? Can I really heal these babies? Do I have the strength? What if they are hard cases? Will we find my daughter amongst one of them and get to keep her? Sometimes I sleep without a thought. Come what may. I have faith. I have God and my own inner guidance to keep me on course and out of waters too turbulent to drop my ores into.

This has been in the making for years. I wanted a daughter for so long and at one point I was already grateful for her as if she was on the way. I felt her so close on the other side of what we can’t see that she was already real for me. Arjan, my eldest, talked about a sister he missed and was looking for. He tried buying her baby shoes at the shoe store and was so upset when we put them back. He claimed I would have this sister when we moved to our new house (this was before we bought this house). I figured he saw things I didn’t. I kept hearing sermons about Abraham and Sarah’s barren womb, how she waited and waited and God kept showing up and reassuring them of the impossible. I heard testimonies of women who couldn’t have more children and had desired more, then they would adopt twins. I would meet children with the names I’d chosen for a girl if I had one. Little girls were attracted to me like a magnet.

Then we moved into this house. The first house we ever owned. I knew that I knew that I knew I would have a miracle and my daughter would arrive. It’s been a year. No miracles. Then one day Arjan comes to me and asked as if he’s waited long enough, “When are you adopting my sister!” This is after I’ve been pondering Lucy the hen’s predicament. I had never talked to Arjan about this and so I took it as a sign and didn’t waste time. I made the call and started the work. The foster care said it would take months, however, now that I’m doing all this work to get approved to be a foster to adopt family, I can’t believe how prepared we actually are. We had done most of the work before I even had the idea to call.

We needed proof of updated dog vaccines, doctors for ourselves, and so much more that I just happened to take care of these last couple months. I just updated the dogs and my family with doctors, vets, chiropractors, and dentist after years of neglect in those departments due to moving all the time and not being settled enough to get established. Out of all the things we got rid of we kept the bunk beds that we now need for the boys. And the miraculous support I’m getting! Some of my friends have offered to be respite foster care for us, they are willing to do the background checks, install fire extinguishers, take CPR…a big deal! And my neighbors are offering to come over and hold the babies so I can have a break. Wow.

We have a two bedroom with two sons. I didn’t think it possible, but we can open our home to a baby and another child with some rearranging and organizing of beds and cribs and the house.

I look back now on all the little signs and how it’s all unfolded and I see that the Universe has been putting things in place all along. I felt like it was taking so long but things had to be done, shifted, prepared. God was sending uplifting messages all along and I knew it because I always get chills when I hear them. Or I cry.

We are provided and protected all along. We commune with the Creator if we just pay attention. Our desires do come about but some work behind the scenes must take place.

Have the faith of a mustard seed.

 

 

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19 comments

  1. Oh honey, I know how you’re feeling right now. When the orphanage worker showed me the video of Obie, I KNEW he was my son. And it took about 9 months to get him here from Guatemala. I’ll be praying for you, your family and for the little ones who will be coming to your home. And I will put y’all on my church prayer list. This is so exciting! Keep us posted.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Kate,
    I have been following your blog for over a year. This is one touched my heart. You and your family are in my prayers. After reading your books and blog and recently watching your YouTube videos… I can honestly say that you and Bali will make wonder foster parents. Good luck!

    I live in Sacramento and have had a backyard garden for over 30 years. If you ever have any questions…email me. I would wait with your fall/winter garden until September or October. It is a a little warm now for cool weather crops.

    Take care!!!

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    • Oh my God, yes!!! I need help, support, advice…on gardening, and everything, but gardening is huge. Please send your email, I have questions daily. And you are so close. How wonderful. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have light yellow spots on my grape leaves…what is the soil deficient in?

      Like

    • I just wrote a real 50,000 word novel with that Nanowrimo. Didn’t you suggest I do that? So, I am feeling my writing roots growing again and I’ve been getting into the blogging mood. You’ll see more. How are all your babies? I was doing the reading challenge on Goodreads but I’m far, far behind. I get ideas off your books. Love seeing you here still.:)

      Liked by 1 person

      • I love your YouTube videos. The girls (now 4 yeas and the baby is 9 months) and I watch together. ๐Ÿ™‚ My kids get a kick out of seeing your boys on the videos. Life is getting a bit crazy right now but we are all hanging in there. I got the Florence Shovel Shin book – Love it!!!! I look forward to seeing how your foster/adoption journey goes. Sending you and your family much love from the East Coast.

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      • And we send love back. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so glad you like Florence. I had a life coach suggest that book and I read her often. I am a firm believer in manifestation, I just manifested my biggest goal and that was to start fostering and to eventually adopt. I didn’t share it until it seemed real. Florence and other New Thought teachers say to keep dreams to yourself until fruition.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hey, I LOVE you website how it looks and all the great articles. I don’t get notices when you post so I thought you were too busy to write. I can’t seem to figure out how to comment on their or subscribe either. I love the “Breaking up with Employer”. I wish you could stay home and just do something creative or be with your girls? Anyway you can figure out the funds so you could become this homemaker? I’m reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover again. I’ll cover this soon.

        Liked by 1 person

      • ๐Ÿ˜Š thanks for taking a look! I renewed the blog in February. I love the โ€˜companyโ€™ of other bloggers. I almost did break up with my employer but my husband and I agree that we want to become debt free even though we are in a position of serious high spending and hoping we can catch a break soon! Looking forward to your Dave Ramsey posts.

        Liked by 1 person

    • I checked out your blog–absolutely LOVED the ‘no special meals for toddlers’ post. I couldn’t comment on your blog–I don’t use Facebook or the other mediums–so wanted to let you know I look forward to reading more posts on your blog!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I have not grown grapes. I would take a leaf into a local nursery to find out if your plants are deficient or possibly need to be sprayed. I wouldnโ€™t worry, this is your first year. As for my email address…is there a way to give it to you privately. That would be my preference. We are different in some ways, but so much alike in many of the important ways we live. I will be waiting to hear from you.Have a blessed day.

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