A few weeks ago I was sitting in my garden watching the yellow hen house and thinking about my street hen Lucy and her obsession with brooding. It is summer and hot and I couldn’t keep that girl out of the laying box. Bali had propped open the doors and put a screen on one big door to keep the breeze coming through. We kept chasing her out but she was so determined to hatch that unfertilized egg that she would come right back. She went from a lovely girl to quiet scraggly and bedraggled.
One day Bali said in passing, “That’s your sister out there.” Meaning that Lucy sitting on an egg that would never hatch was just like me praying that my Tubal Ligation would unravel or re canal. As I thought about her in the egg laying box, sometimes sitting on nothing, but determined as hell, I realized my own silliness. Her egg was not going to hatch without a rooster and my tubes weren’t going to open up magically and let an egg flow through. We both needed to get real.
So, I sent Lucy and the other remaining hen off to a nice little farm where they would have hen friends, lots of land and a rooster. Lucy’s dream of motherhood would now come true. And I picked up the phone and called Children’s Hope Foster care and explained my desires to have babies but didn’t know if we would fit the bill. They said they could work with us.
And they have. We are now in the thick of paperwork, orientations, finger scans, CPR classes, house inspections, and lots of prep work.
I cry with gratitude and realization that God was giving me a clear message all these years and I wasn’t just wacko. I also sit up at night and chew my nails and worry when it’s darkness all around me and everyone is asleep. What have I gotten into? Can I really heal these babies? Do I have the strength? What if they are hard cases? Will we find my daughter amongst one of them and get to keep her? Sometimes I sleep without a thought. Come what may. I have faith. I have God and my own inner guidance to keep me on course and out of waters too turbulent to drop my ores into.
This has been in the making for years. I wanted a daughter for so long and at one point I was already grateful for her as if she was on the way. I felt her so close on the other side of what we can’t see that she was already real for me. Arjan, my eldest, talked about a sister he missed and was looking for. He tried buying her baby shoes at the shoe store and was so upset when we put them back. He claimed I would have this sister when we moved to our new house (this was before we bought this house). I figured he saw things I didn’t. I kept hearing sermons about Abraham and Sarah’s barren womb, how she waited and waited and God kept showing up and reassuring them of the impossible. I heard testimonies of women who couldn’t have more children and had desired more, then they would adopt twins. I would meet children with the names I’d chosen for a girl if I had one. Little girls were attracted to me like a magnet.
Then we moved into this house. The first house we ever owned. I knew that I knew that I knew I would have a miracle and my daughter would arrive. It’s been a year. No miracles. Then one day Arjan comes to me and asked as if he’s waited long enough, “When are you adopting my sister!” This is after I’ve been pondering Lucy the hen’s predicament. I had never talked to Arjan about this and so I took it as a sign and didn’t waste time. I made the call and started the work. The foster care said it would take months, however, now that I’m doing all this work to get approved to be a foster to adopt family, I can’t believe how prepared we actually are. We had done most of the work before I even had the idea to call.
We needed proof of updated dog vaccines, doctors for ourselves, and so much more that I just happened to take care of these last couple months. I just updated the dogs and my family with doctors, vets, chiropractors, and dentist after years of neglect in those departments due to moving all the time and not being settled enough to get established. Out of all the things we got rid of we kept the bunk beds that we now need for the boys. And the miraculous support I’m getting! Some of my friends have offered to be respite foster care for us, they are willing to do the background checks, install fire extinguishers, take CPR…a big deal! And my neighbors are offering to come over and hold the babies so I can have a break. Wow.
We have a two bedroom with two sons. I didn’t think it possible, but we can open our home to a baby and another child with some rearranging and organizing of beds and cribs and the house.
I look back now on all the little signs and how it’s all unfolded and I see that the Universe has been putting things in place all along. I felt like it was taking so long but things had to be done, shifted, prepared. God was sending uplifting messages all along and I knew it because I always get chills when I hear them. Or I cry.
We are provided and protected all along. We commune with the Creator if we just pay attention. Our desires do come about but some work behind the scenes must take place.
Have the faith of a mustard seed.