Coffee with Kate will be no more. Awww…what happened? Where did it go? Why are you quitting just when it was getting good?
I ain’t quittin’ peoples! I just had an enlightened moment with my sons the other night and then a strange cooking dream followed…and then the smoke alarm went off because Bali was burning toast at four in the morning…so a new show was born, voila!
The Coffee with Kate channel has been renamed Sammy and Kate Cook.
So many things are happening for me emotionally and I’ve been shifting into a new paradigm.
I think about my neighbors too much. I think about money too often. I think about frugality and saving pennies all the time. I think about chores and what needs cleaning next. I think about how we don’t have enough funds to move now or travel or many other things. I think about how I can’t seem to motivate to write fiction. NaNoWriMo is in full effect and I’ve started a book over twice and I just can’t stand them.
I’m stuck in a very boring rut. I’m burnt out on cleaning and I’m wanting to move into a 28 ft trailer that takes five minutes to clean and travel endlessly so I can run from relationships and neighbors and the grind of daily life.
My eldest said that he’s sick of my homemaking. Sam, the youngest is needy as all get out. I love the channel, it is my creative outlet but it feels like it competes for attention with my children. It also is wearing thin on how many ways I can talk about frugality and saving.
I was introduced to a few blogs, documentaries, and channels lately. They all had an impact. Haegreendal on Youtube had me thinking that you could have a very Zen like homemaking style. Street Food documentaries on Netflix brought to light that when our patterns get stale we don’t need to change paths, just find new and creative ways to do our thing and to focus on quality and experiment to bring our craft to its full potential. Find your path and then keep enriching it. Cook Your Life on Vudu (documentary) along with Walk With Me on Netflix (also documentary) caused a craving to slow down and become present in each and every moment. The other not mentioned blogs and channels brought to light that there are hundreds and thousands of homemaking and budgeting channels and blogs and it’s a tired subject…at least for me.
I’ve been praying for inner bliss and peace and asking for guidance toward this good place. In the meantime, the Universe has been answering my request without me really being aware of it. It started with the massive declutters, organizing, purging, and scrubbing of my house that went on for months and just never seemed to be enough. Then came all the documentaries that slowly woke me from my homemaking slumber. Then I practiced some working meditations. I heard you don’t have to sit on a pretty pillow with a candle flickering before oneself to meditate. You can go about your daily duties and meditate as you sweep floors and suds the morning dishes.
I became severely agitated about life. I was bothered with neighbors…neighbors on my street and not on my street. I became impatient with my children, I woke in the middle of the night to think angry thoughts about the past, family, guilt. I felt old.
I was sure I was starting menopause although I have no other symptoms. And I may be entering into this new season, yes, but I have suddenly realized that it is so much more.
I’m frustrated with myself. I am still having toxic thoughts, I still waste time bothering with other peoples lives. I am driving myself constantly and serving others. Why? It is simply this; my brain has been trained to suffer and I was raised to serve and to deem myself worth only when I was serving. When I was not serving my parent or others I was told I was worthless. So I drive myself to feel worthy. I worry because that is my brain’s default pattern. I was also taught to worry about money and the world at large.
I have since looked at this, embraced it and sent it packing. I have made the commitment to find out who I really am without serving and being enslaved by my old brainwashing. I will honor and nurture myself and find out what it is I would truly like to do, be, have, write, read, and eat even.
I know that I would like to move from this town and I know just the town I dream of nesting in. I’m making it happen right now. No more disabling thoughts such as “we can’t move there, it’s too much money!” or “it would be easier to just stay here and learn to love it.” No more limiting thoughts, just do it! Jump and the net will appear. When the Universe says go, you go without weighing yourself down with logic. Go by the gut, it’s right every time.
The next thing I came to realize last night, actually, and with the help of both my son’s wise insight, that I’m tired of the frugal gig. My sons are seven and five and they told me to basically expand my horizons, try new and creative things. Arjan and Sam suggested more cooking, but having more fun with it, and Sam suggested that I focus on spiritual work. He said, “show people how kindness can help manifest your dreams.” What? He’s five! They are my guides in this life.
I had a dream we were rolling bananas in Panko and baking when the smoke alarm woke me this morning. When I woke, it was not just physically. I woke up to a new sense of being, of what I wanted to create and I wanted to do it with my sons not aside from my family. I have faith and happiness in my heart today. I’m starting anew with life today.
I’ve been encouraged, guided, loved and supported by the community on that channel and I am looking forward to bringing a lot of fun and creativity to it. I will not talk so much about frugality, I’ll just show it. I’ll not talk of living on so little, I’ll talk instead of building wealth in many ways such as joy, health, family and friends. I will cook up a storm with my sons and they will help me create new dishes. We will talk about spiritual work, healing, meditation. Then there is gardening, canning, having a writing career, and homeschooling. I’m even going to analyze movies and documentaries as I love, love movies and documentaries!
See you there!
And here is the first video on the new and revised Channel.