As you can see from this photo, the moving boxes went to good use in the end despite our not moving. The boys built shantytowns, cities, camps with the boxes for days until I tired of my yard looking like an encampment area and took them all to the recycling bin at Bali’s work.
We have settled back into this house and are looking at staying another few years. Our neighbors are still nervous and encouraged us to get the “for sale” sign out of the front yard quickly and then when Bali brought home his friends large moving truck to move out all the old fridges, washers and stoves that he will no longer be selling to used appliance shops a neighbor called anxiously wondering “who is moving???”
It will take them some time to recover from our attempt to move out and onward to the mountains. It feels good to be wanted and appreciated in your neighborhood and I will focus on that.
I have changed my attitude and mind about many things these days. I was watching Bruce Lipton the other day while cleaning my ceiling fans and he was talking about a constant state of prayer. The idea being that prayer does work wonders but not if only done now and then or when in need. The energy fades and we go back to suffering. If we can internalize this lovely state of inner communion with our Creator and the Universe we will live a life that feels full of goodness and light. We will find that comfort and peace when challenges arise and have more happiness from within despite the lack of our surrounding circumstances.
I wash my floors and hang my laundry while practicing silence. I sleep in each morning and enjoy the delicious feeling of a soft bed and hearing my boys chatter and cook with their father on weekend mornings. I enjoy a big sweet, creamy mug of coffee while reading over two of my favorite books right now; The Everyday Bible with Comments by Joyce Meyers and The Complete Writings by Florence Scovel Shinn. Another book I’ve enjoyed in the past is Autobiography Of A Yogi with Paramahansa Yogananda.
These books help me understand the world, seen and unseen. It builds my faith through an understanding of the Universe and God’s ways. It expands my small world around me.
I practice giving thanks to all the things that I am blessed with.
I adore this little dachshund that was given to us by the neighbors who found her to be too much work. We find her to be a delight and enjoy how small and fun with all her young little puppy ways of taking joy in everything all day long. She explores the garden as I plant my seeds and patiently allows the boys to carry her around like a baby. She learns quickly and barks at me when I ignore her. We search together for that squeaky chicken toy and I love kissing her soft blond, freckled nose that is so long and silly looking.
I give thanks for this charming home that hasn’t leaked in the winter or given us any trouble whatsoever. I give thanks that the neighborhood is quiet these days, even on the back street. I give thanks for a husband that works whatever job he needs to work to pay our bills without complaint or needing something big with a fancy title. Not many are humble enough to work a job that pays little and the work is less than satisfying without moaning about it. I give thanks that my children are healthy and smart…not only that but also wise and compassionate.
The more I appreciate all I have and my surroundings from the cast iron pan that used to be my mothers to the sound of the train across the river in the mornings, the birds that fill my yard and the old and sweet downtown we can walk to…the less I desire. I am feeling more full each day. More satisfied. I begin to wonder what it is that I need or want more than what I’m already graced with?
When I think about my writing I asked myself what can I write that would be fun for me, not what would make me more money. When I think about us moving elsewhere I asked what we truly need and the answer is just a bigger back yard for more space for the dogs and boys and gardens but as for the house, we have more than enough space with this 1000 sq ft home.
Abraham Hicks talks about this all the time with Law of Attraction seminars. People think they want more money, fame, success in careers, bigger houses, shiny and new cars. But what they truly want is to be happy, at peace, loved, surrounded by good friends and family. We think that the money and success will bring all that but often it doesn’t at all. It brings a new and strange sort of trouble and loneliness.
All the people searching out there to manifest this and that…I say turn within and find joy in your life right now where you live, not when you move to a better town (as I thought). Love who you are as you are not thinner, more educated, better dressed, after that facelift or body sculpting or next diet that will bring a miraculous transformation with the weight. Love the person you’re with just as they are or let them go so someone else can do this for them. Appreciate your children as they are and let go of getting them to “act right” or be more quiet, smart, and so on.
I’m not crazy about my hair but I’m sure grateful I have some. I’m not wild about this body but it works well and all the limbs are in working order as well. I wish I could play the piano and speak several languages. I cannot but I can write and that is a very fun outlet.
I appreciate other homes and gardens of the perfectionist out there but I enjoy my shabby chic style and funky garden filled with bugs and the common stray cat.
My life is designed just for me with all my quirks and moods. I find that as I learn more about myself that I have things just right for me and all of my family.
When I do things now it’s done with the energy of fun and creativity. I learn things that inspire me, watch movies that delight me, read books that either heal, motivate, or just immerse me in a world of make-believe. When we eat food it is for nourishment and pleasure. Fresh foods, meals from scratch are pleasing and sometimes an already made dish from the freezer section is just as pleasing (wink, wink).
There is no judgment of what I do anymore. I mind my business with the neighbors and keep my nose in my yard and I find that the more kindness and understanding I have toward others human nature, the more I’m able to forgive and love myself. It is creating a softer and more feminine woman.
Letting go of control is the most freeing of all the acts I’ve been practicing. I put everything in God’s hands and then my helpmate. I let everyone figure out their stuff and I go curl up on the couch and watch my new lazy treat; a Spanish soap on Netflix. The more I just enjoy and give to myself without my old militant ways of driving myself like a brutal master, the more I enjoy and give to my family. There is no guilt in being and finding the luxuries in life. I am not spending money we don’t have or letting the house go to pot, or the stove go cold. As a matter of fact, I’m more productive but in a very well-paced, slower, more enjoyable way.
My tasks are done with a bit of ceremony and ritual. This week I felt that there was too much to get done, I would never finish and the more I did the more needed to be done. It felt endless, yet I slowed down and took one task at a time, being in the moment with each chore and counting my small riches and blessings as I worked. Within a few days my home and yards, gardens and garage where all in order, clean and tidy. I celebrated with junk food, nonalcoholic beer and two Godzilla movies with my boys last night. We cuddled with only candlelight so we could create the theater-like atmosphere and ate too many Doritos. It was so fun! Today I’m writing and will do some reading, shopping, gardening, but all in fun and play.
I can feel my mind relax. It isn’t forcing itself back to that default space of self-inflicted suffering that it’s so used to. It takes time, sometimes years to retrain your mind to go toward the light and not back to that dark place it is so used to where it finds all its broken toys and sad stories, worldly worries and past guilts. It takes work to lead it to green fields filled with flowers and sunshine. But in the end, it’s so worth it. The peace and inner smile that take up residence inside are worth the work.