A journey toward Christianity.


Lately, so many good things have occurred and I still debate if it was the chicken or the egg that came first.  I have been on a deep and wondrous quest to know God on all levels.  I have always loved Jesus but I have not known just who He really is.  I have been riding the fence for decades.  I have tried spirituality on so many levels.

I thought about going into Buddhism at one point in my life.  This was only because it seemed to be more accepted.  I knew my family had no issue with Buddhist.  I knew that the difference between claiming to be ‘Christian’ and ‘Buddhist’ can be people scooting their chairs closer to you or farther away.  Buddhism does not seem as controversial…at least in the circles I have gathered.  But that is not what faith is about right?  What is less controversial.

However, I never did get into Buddhism.  I had a book on my shelf for years and I’ve read one page.  And yet I have come back to the Bible again and again for at least 10 years.  I find that when I read it I feel this comfort in my heart…and it also upsets me, confuses me, confounds me…

For years I detested the Old Testament.  I didn’t know who wrote the Bible and I was taught that men wrote it to keep others down.  It was all prefabricated by the power hungry royalty to keep the peasants down and paying taxes.  That was my mother,s version.  I have watched all the History Channel Documentaries on how Christ supposedly survived the crucifixion and went on to live out his life in India, how the Gospels weren’t written by his disciples or even in the first century.  I have heard it all.  Then I had my own debates as to how the Native American Indians got here and why aren’t the dinosaurs mentioned.

I have been raised an atheist but I hungered for a spiritual life.  I was raised with a lot of pain and darkness, alcoholism, and abuse.  I yearned for a life with joy, peace, and light.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6 

One morning I discovered Joyce Meyer.  She is described as a Christian speaker and author by Wikipedia.  She travels and speaks all over the world and can be found on TV 7 days a week.  She spoke to me at a time when I had no faith, a misconception of Christianity, and I was probably hung over that morning.  I don’t remember what she said but I was hooked and started watching her as often as possible.  That was the beginning.  One of the beginnings but I can’t recant them all.

I recall one morning in my studio apartment watching her and at the end of her sermon, she said a prayer.   “Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins.  Come into my heart and I will make you my lord and savior.  Amen!”

Now, it went against all my raising but because no one was there to witness me doing it, I said it out loud with Joyce.  I then went into the bathroom to take a shower.  As I stood in the stream of water I felt like my largest emotional burdens were being lifted from me.  I cannot describe it any other way.  I suddenly became aware that a supernatural energy of something unseen was now with me, that I was no longer alone, and my life was about to change.  I can almost still remember that feeling of relief, how the shower looked, the way it was light with the morning sun.

And change it did!  It was another jumble of messy and fumbling years.  Six or seven more years to be exact.  I continued to drink, get stoned every night, chain smoke every night.  I moved another God knows how many times, changed jobs, changed boyfriends.  I continued to run from my shadow.  But the change was happening.  One person after another was brought into my life to help me toward the next step.  One book, one song, one Spiritual Center, one class on the Laws of the Universe, a Bible from a friend’s mother, a day at a Cross Roads church, more Joyce, the discovery of Christian Contemporary music and the KLOVE station, another person, book, a movie or two.

I was smoking and drinking less, I was thinking about God more.

At one point I got sick and had to change my diet and drinking.   I walked into an AA meeting.  I had done this hundreds of times with a friend because I actually liked them.  Strange right?  But this time I got myself a woman sponsor.  I spent more time at the gym and less at home thinking about all the habits I missed.  I was taking all sorts of classes at the Center for Spiritual Living.

Then my mother was dying.  I know God prepared me for this journey.  I had about 36 weeks of spiritual classes under my belt.  I had learned how to do prayer treatments, to call on God, to meditate.  I was also sober at last.  I knew I was supposed to go and make amends.  I went up to her cottage in the woods and sat with her, cooked for her, talked to her, cleaned for her, fed her one-eyed horse, tended to all her animals and bills, and made sure she was able to peacefully pass on in her home, her bed, and with her animals as she had wished.  I didn’t ask her to apologize, we didn’t even talk about the past.  But God showed his grace something mighty then.  I was able to be kind and patient.  I was able to create a space for my mother to feel safe as she was dying.  It took two weeks and toward the end, she was in another realm so to speak.  She would shake her fist at the ceiling and move her lips in a debate.  She always had a one-sided war going with God.  She was also an attorney and I’d say she was in court up to the last day.

This was my personal enemy.  This woman had spoken unkind words over me my whole life.  She had nearly snuffed out my spirit.  It was only by God’s grace that I was able to sit with her and feel only compassion, to understand the importance of death.  The task is that of a reverse midwife as you help the person begin the birthing process into another world.  I was able to detach just enough to help her through this with out my own agenda.

I know without a doubt that I was called to go and be with her.  No one else but a couple scraggly people showed up now and then but she and I were alone.  I was given the peace and strength to do it and it was an incredible experience that I would do again strange as that may sound.  When it was over I knew exactly who I was.  I was not the nobody she had claimed.  I was a very capable woman with a capacity to forgive, endure, and be compassionate beyond belief.  I walked away healed.  That was Gods doing.

From that day on my life only got better, richer, happier.  I was blessed with beautiful places to live, surrounded by a new and wonderful community.  I chose to stay in Willits even though the only job available was McDonald’s.  I was blessed again with a great job at a Chiropractic office where the doctor got me involved with the local theater.  I then was called to move to Fort Bragg and, against all logic, I moved there.  I was blessed with a beautiful pink victorian house, then another great job, a husband, a son…

If I went into every story it would be clear that each moment was a gift from God.  Each story has meaning and is a testament to having faith and blindly following when called…and being taken care of.

Today I sit here doing what I love, I’m writing and sipping my coffee.  I have two loaves of bread baking in the oven and my cottage is filled with all kinds of human children and furry children.  God also sent me two dogs and a cat and those are stories in themselves.  I was blessed with two children when I didn’t expect to even have one child.  I have a husband that I also prayed for and who is incredibly solid and good.

Lately, I have committed to making a choice, to get off the fence out of respect to The Creator.  I had my doubts about the Bible and all things Christian.  I have gone into this exploration for decades being suspicious and argumentative.  I found The Case for Christ and ordered it at the library.  I received The Case for the Real Jesus to my surprise.  I was so convinced with his research by the end that I decided to order all the books from Lee Strobel.  By the time I was done with The Case for the Real Jesus I felt pretty confident about the Bible.  There is historic proof that most of it was written in the first century and two of the gospels are directly from James, Jesus’s brother, and Paul, a Roman intent on snuffing out Christians until he was confronted by the resurrected Jesus.  There is so much more and I will write about that another time.  The Case for Christ (just started today) seems to go in depth into the Bible and who wrote it and when.

Personally, since delving into my own research to deepen my understanding and grow my relationship with God and Jesus, I cannot begin to write about all the ways I feel surrounded, guided, and loved through this process, by unseen forces.

I don’t believe in luck or coincidence.  I believe that we manifest with Gods grace and generosity.  I believe that God gifts and blesses us.  We don’t get everything we want, we get what is good for us in the long run.  We also don’t get things for being positive about it.  We earn our lives, our gifts.  We have to work for everything and we have to respect that God has his plan for us.

My life is so good and happy, so filled with sanity and light today.  I have been transformed and I continue to be healed and transform daily.

I now love reading the Bible in the mornings. I don’t get all of it and the New Testament is definitely a gentler section to digest.  I do believe that science and spirituality or religion can mix, that it should mix.  They actually go hand in hand.

It is evident that the world is billions of years old and there were dinosaurs…and not at the same time as humans.  There are Christians that try to fit the dinosaurs into the bible and I still feel that is ridiculous.  The Bible was written for us to understand Him, to grow in a relationship with Him and to find the Truth, the Light, the Life so that we might enjoy our lives and live fully.  It is not there to tell all the stories of the world and Gods work.  It is only and specifically for us as his children.

For any of you still questioning your faith or with one foot in atheism and one foot in religion and wondering what it is all about, I strongly suggest getting all Lee Strobel books.  And then look into your own heart and ask yourself what feels true for you.


All Lee Strobel’s books (he gives a ton of other books and places to research after each chapter so you will have many paths to go down for your own exploration).

The Case for Christ, The Case for the Real Jesus, The Case for the Creator, The Case for Faith.

The Everyday Life Bible with Joyce Meyers (or any Bible you feel good with)

Online Research 




I haven’t finished The Case for Christ, just got it last night. I have yet to delve into The Case for Faith.  As for the online referrals, I have not had time to explore them thoroughly but other Christians seem to like the last two.   I like the godandscience.org because it talks about the age of the earth, dinosaurs and how the Bible is only for us and our relationship with God and wasn’t meant to cover it all.

My advice is to enjoy this journey.  I have become very emotional these days and I love it!


Going within to create a new life.


For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things (fix your minds on them). -Philippians 4:8  (Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer)

Do you want a new life?  Do you want new and changed conditions?  Do you want happiness?  Peace in your life?  Perhaps you are trying to manifest all sorts of goodies.

I wrote a book titled The Joy and Work of Manifesting a Good Life.  Many of us want to just make dream boards and God boxes, to write out lists of wishes in pink sparkle pen and then sit back and have it all unfold by the next day.  Welllll…it takes work.  It can be fun, exciting work and it will benefit all areas of your life but there are some actions that have to occur to recreate or build a new life.

The thing that isn’t really discussed with Manifestation is the emotional toll that it may take.  This isn’t with everyone but it does happen to those of us on “the journey”.  We start out with excitement at all the great things we are going to co-create with this bountiful Universe.  It’s all fun and party horns for a bit.  Then the s–t hits the fan.  When you pray for change you get it and what a ride it is!  Everything has to be shaken up inside your heart and outside in your life.  Some things must be destroyed before there is even room for the new.  Our egos have to be dismantled, our old thoughts have to be tossed out, past wounds healed, amends made…we are being rebuilt from the ground level up.

How can you get that new and wonderful relationship if you are a mess?  No one with their life together and mind right will want to be yolked with a person in turmoil.  You have a process to get your mind right.

How can you go from a studio apartment to that dream home you want…it may take time.  You may need to find out your truest and deepest issues that hold you back from abundance, you may realize that you come from a thinking of lack and failure and have to heal that and go on to re-educate yourself, get a better job and eventually the dream home will come but there will be work and healing along the way.  You WILL make it if you choose but it’s not always a short or simple path.

Why not?  Abraham makes everything sound so easy like you just need to relax, have fun, that it isn’t work.  The work is in your mind.  Many people aren’t happy today because of what is in their minds, how they think, old beliefs they still hold.  You have to clean out the attic.

I love Philippians 4:8 because it has the answer.  It is simple;  what you put your mind on, what you spend your days and nights pondering…that will be your life reflected on the outside.  Your life will be a physical manifestation of what goes on in your mind.  The hard part is getting there from a dark and unhappy, negative place to a happy place filled with sunshine.  That is the work.  And yes, dream boards and God boxes make the journey more fun and fun is what you DO want to focus on.  It takes a lot of practice and focus on staying happy and along the way, as we pay attention to what we are thinking, we see why our lives don’t work the way we want.  Then there is more work in healing what is not in harmony.

I started out recently on a big journey of self-reflection and desiring so many new and wonderful things for my family and self.  Then along the journey, I found I had to go back into my past and make some major amends and right some old wrongs.  Some responded well and I’m working on healing a couple old relationships.  Some have not responded and that is as it should be for reasons I may never understand but I trust that God is at the helm and will filter out the bad fish with His net.  Only the good will come through for that is my intention.  However, I was being guided to do my part to do the right thing.  You see, along with the new home and success in my writing career and other things, I also want to be a good person, I want a deep connection with God, to work and build with the Universal powers, to be the kind of Christian that makes being a Christian look amazing and good.  The kind of Christian that people dream of being.  This is a great feat.

And so I had an awakening of consciousness and with it I was directed to fix my past, heal where I had cause pain to others, apologize for wrongs committed even decades ago.  I tried to ignore it but I started having chest discomfort, breathing issues, and nausea.  I was physically miserable and, although my aunt suggested taking an aspirin a day and going to the doctor, I knew what the problem was.  I was being guided and I was not doing the work and I’m at the advanced level where I will actually experience reprecusion if I don’t keep going forward and if I ignore what I’m guided to do.  Sure enough, I wrote several amend letters and sent them.  The pains and breathing issues, nausea all stopped.

Did I count on all this drama when I wrote the list for the new town and new house and success?  No, but obviously it is the work that has to be done before I can start preparing for a new life that comes with the new desires.  When you want your house to look different you can’t just make a list, pray, and leave the house.  You may have to clean, rearrange the furniture, and paint.

Years ago when I was still single and childless I prayed for a husband and my own family.  I had been begging and praying for years without success.  I kept getting the message as to what I had to do to make it happen but I wasn’t ready to do all that it required.  I needed to quit all my nasty habits and get my mind right.  It took me years to submit. I used to love smoking cigarettes and pot, drinking good wine and beer on the weekend.  I was a loser in many ways.  I was a slave to my habits and had no self-respect because of all the times I had tried to quit and failed.  I also had no spiritual program.

In my late 30’s I started attending and taking classes through the Center for Spiritual Living.  I took months and months of classes on healing, prayer, meditation, and self-reflection.  I also got sober and started to eat healthier and exercise.  I had a lot of physical issues from the years of neglect and poor habits.  My acupuncturist put me on the Paleo before it was even popular.  Things began to heal mentally and physically.  Then my mother became ill and was ready to pass on.  I went up to be with her and had the biggest healing and forgiving ever.  I was completely transformed by the experience.  I had been prepared with all the classes I was guided to do and getting sober and then my moment came with her and it all came together.  It was beautiful.

After that my life took off, I got great jobs and homes, got married to a really good and solid man, had two adorable boys chalked full of personality.  I’m now a homemaker, mother, and writer.  All I ever wanted and more.  But it has been a long journey.  I had to do the work to become that person that can live this life I have currently.

My advice is, don’t get too caught up in the frilly, sparkle of manifesting that is so popular today.  Realize that there will be some work and most of that work will be cleaning up and healing your mind.  Listen to that quiet guidance.  You have guides and they are trying to communicate with you.  Pay attention.  It comes in the form of a movie that triggers a thought, a paragraph in a book that speaks to you, a song, a conversation.  You ask the questions and they will come.  Enjoy the process.  It is truly magical and lovely.  Embrace it and flow with it. Don’t fight it or it will just get harder and you will stagnate.  Or worse get chest pains.

Make a commitment.  Don’t waiver back and forth.  Commit to healing and becoming happy and then do everything you have to in order to make it happen.

A few tools I use to do the work:

Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer (great book for Christians and nonChristians if you don’t have issues with the Bible)

The Secret (the movie, it’s fun, but remember it takes much more work than this)

Peaceful Warrior (a movie that helps us understand just how the journey to empowerment can go)

Autobiography of a Yogi and Journey to Self-Realization, both books are by Paramahansa Yogananda

The Bible, of course.  You’ll see a lot of scripture on metaphysics and manifesting our realities.

The Law of Attraction, by Esther and Jerry Hicks (you can also find them on YouTube)

The Joy and Work of Manifesting a Good Life, by Kate Singh

The Joy and Work of Manifesting a Good Life: Remaking Your Life Through Manifesting by [Singh, Kate]






How to become happy, peaceful, and manifest all you desire.


Happy, peaceful and manifest all I desire!  Wowee!  I want this and I want it bad.  I’m studying, reading Law of Attraction on my beloved tread climber, I’m listening to Abraham via Esther Hicks seminars on Youtube while cleaning my kitchen, I’m thinking through my life while folding laundry, I’m blogging about my feelings with my sweet, creamy coffee.  I’m trying to be in the Vortex (your happy place)  even as I nag my husband or screech my son’s name for the 10th time to come to lunch.

I feel good, Bali gets a raise, I sell 8 books…then something happens.  The good gifts stop coming.  Then I get in funky, blue moods after being on joy street for good run.  It’s too much work.  It’s not supposed to be according to the ethereal beings that Esther channels.  I want to believe this, I want to believe in magic and happy endings, that unicorns once ran wild and maybe too much inbreeding made them lose their horns…I want to believe in fairies and that I have spirit guides with me at all times.  Part of this I do believe.  I do believe we have guides.  I do believe that we can draw good or bad to us.  I do believe in more magic than we can see.  Of course, it’s not magic, it’s our given right.  It’s even in the bible.  Ask and it is given.  Seek and ye shall find.  Hallelujah!

So, what the hell is happening?  Why can’t I master this manifestation job?  It sounds so simple, it probably is…but you see, I’m not simple and on top of that, I’m still wounded deep down inside.  I’m still working from my mother, my grandmother, and who knows what other ancestor’s platform of worry, fear, anger, guilt, shame, and lack of belief in the unseen.

I finally heard what gave me that “What? Now I get what I’m doing wrong!” moment.  I was listening to Esther and she talked about sloppy thinking.  It’s where we think constantly about what is and what we feel about all the things around us, creating a soup that we swim in that is constantly stopping and stalling our creations.  I do this.  I think, think, think all day and I pass opinions and judgments on every single, dingle thing around me.  I am in a constant state of assessing and liking or disliking everything around me.  I have no peace in my mind.  I worry about little and big things I can’t control. I cry for the world, I cry for the shelter dogs, I cry for my inner child…I’m a well organized and tidy little mess.

I feel like I’ve spent decades working on myself.  Reading all the self-help and improvement, watching all the deep spiritual documentaries, taking months of classes through the Center of Spiritual Living.  I should be living in a cave with the masters at this point.  No, I still wring my hands and rant when I watch CNN.  So I don’t watch it anymore.

I then had a big epiphany;  Yes, I have read and watched and studied…but, did I ever really do the work entailed to really change my mind completely?  Did I ever really detox my mind, heal it, cleanse it, retrain it to think in a totally different way from how it had been trained to think for over 30 years?

I was raised with great mental and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother and, although I moved away and I even stopped speaking with her for a few years here and there, I was still in her life and serving her right up to the end of her life 8 years ago.  The months of spiritual classes made a big difference and prepared me for taking care of her in her last 2 weeks.  Being with her through her transition was an amazing time of healing and further changed and shifted my life.  The next big move was when I finally really got sober completely and for good, that was another huge shift and empowering time.  Then came marriage and babies and I got busy and happy.  Sesame street and learning to cook from scratch, mastering frugality and house cleaning was my new spiritual practice. I could care less about my mind.

But I should have, because the work was still stacked on my minds desk waiting for me to return to it.  My unhappy and distressed mind came in the form of turning my worry from self to the world and all the pain and suffering out there.  Although my husband, who is completely normal and grounded, would repeatedly say, “Basanti, focus on your home and yourself…why worry about out there?”.  Yes, so simple…didn’t work for me.  I need charts and maps, diagrams and list.  I need meetings and conventions, stacks of books all on the same subject.  When you are wounded deep inside from decades of being told you are nothing and will never matter in so many colorful and imaginative ways, when the very light in you is almost snuffed out over time, it takes a little more than an Indian husband with his simple Indian philosophy of “just be happy” to turn the light back on.

I am so much farther than anyone with my past should be.  I am blessed with unseen forces and guides watching, leading, supporting me.  I have done a lot of work. Now it’s time for the BIG stuff.  The final work to change it all.

I have to really commit 100% to detoxing my mind and dismantling all my mother’s work.  Then completely focus on feeling good despite the circumstances of my surroundings.  That means that I listen over and over to the teachings of Law of Attractions and Abraham and then spend the whole day thinking and feeling good.  Sometimes it would probably behoove me to not think at all.

I heard a story of a friend’s friend who heard some Law of Attraction or The Secret that really spoke to her.  She spent two months listening to it every single day and then she would focus on only things she found pretty or attractive.  If, for example, she saw an ugly car she would think nothing of it, turn away quickly and focus on a nice car and put her attention there.  I’m sure there was more to it, but this is the only bit I got.  Within two months of this, she actually received a new car.  How?  I didn’t get that part either.  I would love to talk to this woman, but oh well.  So, there it is in a nutshell.  You find a message that speaks to you and read or listen daily.  I listen to Esther and Abraham daily.  You focus on feeling good, seeing good, surrounding yourself with good.  You stay happy and peaceful no matter what and you don’t give even a split second to anything else that is not happy, positive,  and solution oriented.

Sure, you may have to work on this for some time.  You may have to talk yourself up and out of some depressions or anger.  It may take some time to get up there in the happy Vortex.  But then you must stay.

I have a chalkboard by my coffee pot and it says, “The Universe knows what I want and it’s on its way!”  I should add  “if I would only get out of the way!”.

I’ve been on a mission since my 46th birthday.  I just upped the anty.  I see it working in my life but in little trickles, because as soon as I get happy and things start flowing…I start complaining of something such as the graffiti in the neighborhood or our presidential candidates.  You CAN’T DO THAT and stay in the happy vortex.  You have to turn away and focus on your sweet cat or the nice places in your neighborhood minus graffiti, or all the lovely people out there doing great works.

Yes, you have to live in a dream world and stay in the bubble.  I’m going for it.

Many good and happy vortex days to you all!

Some inspiring stories on manifesting.


Ah, such an exciting time when you can actually see the harvest begin to come in.  I’m talking about all our wishes and wants beginning to actualize in our reality.  It starts out as a trickle and builds momentum if we stay upbeat and focused on the good and the abundance and NOT the lack or absence.

I’m working hard at mastering the art of working with that God given gift of co-creation with the glorious Universe.  This is not just a new age thing.  Look to the bible and you will see that Jesus tried to enlighten us on our abilities to create heaven or hell on this very earth and in this very life.

Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Our thoughts and words, the feelings in the back of those thoughts are what shape our outside world.  As I grow more positive, as I shut down the ongoing dialogue, as I focus on the good and bright…my life is slowly taking a new shape.  I am being guided daily and I see it because I’m taking notice.

I was thinking over the past 8 years and of all the times I would manifest some really great things.  I need to review these times because lately, it seems I’m not in that stream of co-creation as I used to be.  I have had to ponder this case deeply.  I have come up with the biggest answer being my ongoing commentary.  I was sitting in church yesterday and I became well aware of this constant review and prattling going on.  I didn’t just listen to the great music or really become present with the sermon…no, it was like having a sporting event being broadcast on the radio play by play.  I had judgements and observations on the whole scene.  I kept having to tell myself, “Shut the commentary down!”.

Abraham says that you cannot be a vibrational match to that which you want if you are constantly observing what is.  You cannot be “of this world” and create a new one.

Years ago after my mother passed I stayed on in her home for a year and did some intense healing work.  I did this with the help of a healer and was pretty isolated in the woods for that period.  I worked on getting sober, on my health, allowing myself to cry an unusual amount, self-reflection and soul searching.  At the end of that time, I rose from my dark womb and went forth into the world with zeal.

I received everything I desired, and quickly.  I have too many stories to tell and this would turn into a book but in short, if I wanted a home I got it, if I ask a question to the Universe, it was answered, if I felt the strong desire to move to another town, I was unpacking within a month.  When I decided that I was done being alone and wanted to be a wife I was married within the year.  I even set my sites on a puppy being neglected in someone’s yard and within days the owners handed the dog over the fence to me (they may have gotten tired of my stalking their yard).  When I wanted a baby, I was pregnant 4 months later.  I even received guidance as to how to get pregnant from a conversation I overheard.

I receive guidance all the time from books, conversations, a song on the radio, a movie.

I was open to the goodness of life and I was happy.  The karma with my mother had been healed, forgiveness had freed me to blossom.  My thoughts were focused and pleasurable.

So what happened?  I had a child and went into another Vortex that was filled with worry and darkness.  I began worrying about the world, other children, the future.  I would wake up in the middle of the night and Google articles on Global Warming and all kinds of unpleasant things.  I filled my mind with global misery.

I was still able to manifest though, but it is not as fast or fabulous.  That is why I’m completely focused on clearing, detoxing, and redecorating my mind.  I am fervently working on my thoughts, my feelings, and my surroundings.  I am rebuilding from the inside out to reconstruct a world that is thriving for me and my family.

And I’m starting to see the results.  Small moments but it is like Florence Scovel Shinn describes as, “the stick in the sea before you see land”.  As you begin to manifest you may see hints of what you are creating.  Just as Columbus saw twigs in the sea before he actually saw land.  You may wish for a baby and for months you may even think you are pregnant because your body is giving you symptoms.  The process is building in momentum.  Or say you want to move to a new area.  You may get some pulls to check out some neighborhoods, but nothing works out.  However, you discover a neighborhood you love and want to live in that you would have never found had that house not been on sale.  You don’t get that house, but you get a better one in the area later on.  There are always signs that things are being built and created behind the scenes.

Yesterday, as I sat in this new church that I’m giving a try, I kept thinking, “I need a new bible”.  Then a few minutes later a woman was walking around down below holding up a book with more in her arms.  I ask the lady next to me if that was a bible and she replied that it was and I could actually keep it.  Yee Haw!  I got myself a new bible.  Later, when I returned home I was nursing my littlest and I was so hungry.  I realized that I would have to cook something up and it would take some time.  I was super hungry now.  Just then my neighbor called and said she had all these organic pre hard boiled eggs if I wanted some.   Can I get another AMEN!  I had an instant snack.

Oh, this may sound silly to some of you, however, I know that this means that I’m in the Vortex and the flow has begun.  And this is only the beginning!

Many Blessings!


Trying to stay in the Vortex. Dang it!


Yesterday I awoke after a night of good dreams.  Ever since I hung the dream catchers up I have had really fun dreams.  I wonder if it’s just the belief in them that has created these wonderful nocturnal dreams.  A placebo effect?  Anyway, I wake up at 3:00 AM and I’m irritated that it takes so long for the clock to get to 3:30 AM so I can get up.  That’s when Bali gets up and I can’t get up before him and risk waking the poor man, he gets so little sleep.  Finally, it is a legal hour to rise.  I’m in such a good mood and have so much I want to do that I don’t have time to lounge in bed.

I go on to have a great day and the boys are in great moods also, therefore, we go forth into the day filled with the library, park, shopping, and I make a dream board.

I do have to make one negative observation; I can NOT believe magazines still exist.  At least 85% of them are ads and most of those are fashion that seems kind of bizarre, as in would you really wear some of those outfits to work?  Tons of perfume ads in which is seems all the movie stars are trying to make a magical scent so we won’t forget them when they can no longer get a spot on the big screen (I made myself a little sick rubbing all the strips on myself to try…hey, it’s been a long time since I’ve perused a mag) and then the other half are pharmaceuticals…and you know my love of pharmaceuticals.

Have you ever noticed that an ad for the pill du jour has three pages and two and a half of those pages are just the warnings?  I remember when pills just gave you dry mouth and gave you uncontrollable and loose stools in your pants.  I loved when they advertised pills for social phobias and these were the side effects.  Sure, you’d feel more social and confident…until your lips stuck to your teeth and you had to excuse yourself for blowing out your pants while playing frisbee.

Ok, so that is an example of how I DON’T stay in the Vortex.  I have a running commentary about EVERYTHING under the Sun.  I had chocolate yesterday so the day stayed good…until my son stepped in poop outside because I hadn’t cleaned the yard that day and then Bali came home and he was sort of naggy about me not covering the chicken and flies landing on it…

I stayed in a mood after that, had weird dreams and woke up sort of fine and sort of irritable.  It’s not easy to stay so happy all the time.  It’s a project…it’s a job.  I have to think about what I’m thinking about and yet NOT think.  What?  I have to focus on what I want 17 seconds and then let it go.  Sigh.  I do love this project and I’m damn determined to get happy!  And stay happy!   At the risk of a divorce and my pets and children running off to greener pastures.  I shouldn’t kid like that…not funny.  Cancel, cancel.

Today I’m focused on learning new words.  I heard of a man that learned a new word daily and used it all day.  After a few years, he got some great job as a journalist whereas before they said he was too dumb but now he had this huge vocabulary as an arsenal.  I’m kind of winging it here because I watched this weeks ago and my memory is being sucked out via nursing.  Despite my poor memory of this inspiring story I was inspired.  The words today came from the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin;  disquisition and idiosyncratic.    I will start using these as soon as I look up the first one.

So, how do you stay in the Vortex when you have children and a husband?  It was easier when I just owned a dog.  They support the Vortex wholeheartedly especially if the Vortex leads somewhere on a walk or to a beach.

The answer is…I don’t know but I wake up each day with a mission and a quasi-developed plan.  I know that, eventually, I will be just like Mary Poppins and nothing will ruffle my feathers.  I will fly about with my umbrella and my children will mind oh so well.

Until then I have a stash of chocolate, a tread climber, books, and some hair dye to cover the new gray caused by irritation.  I have the lessons of Abraham on Youtube and I just listen every day until I’m thoroughly brainwashed.  Amen!

Many Blessings to you all.

Thoughts on dreamboards.


As I am on an enormous journey of self-improvement and dream fulfillment, I have come to the part in this series where I ask the question, “Do dream boards work” along with all the other mumbo jumbo of affirmations and positive daily readings and cards?

I went back in time when I used to do the dream boards with girlfriends.  Oh, how we would get into all that silliness.  We’d also make lists of our dream man during the new moon, and I’d make lists of affirmations and laminate them to put up on a wall and forget them daily.  I was thinking that all that didn’t really work after all as I looked back on the treacherous years of unfulfilled yearnings.  Then the other night I had this really good dream about life as a school and having fun with it.  When I awoke I suddenly recalled a dream board I had done years and years ago when I lived in a little studio all alone without even a cat or fish as my constant companion.  I could even recall the photos I had put on the board.  Now, I’m not so sure in my feeble memory if I really put all these magazine photos on the board or just clipped them and saved in a packet, however, I remember what they were of.

There was a lot to do with weddings, ring sets, men and women dating, cruise ships, children, farms, gardens…

I have had all of it!  Some of it took years.  Actually, it took years for all these dreams to come into my reality but once they started happening it was within a matter of a year or two that it all happened at once.  I’d say it took a good 7 years before things started happening and I had long ago lost the dream board.  I know some of you may not like hearing that it took so long but there was good reason it took so long for me.   It doesn’t have to take that long for you.

At the time I made the board I was in deep with habits such as drinking a lot on the weekends, smoking pot almost chronically…at least nightly, I was never functional if I smoked during the day.  I smoked cigarettes, ate junk food.  Then I spent all my time planning to quit all my habits and diet.  I was on the hamster wheel constantly with the new diet, the failing of the new diet, the new exercise routine, the failure of that, the new week of sobriety, quitting smoking, the failure of the sobriety once Friday arrived, the failure of not smoking once the end of the day came.

As you can see from that little demonstration…I couldn’t manifest anything but quitting, obsessing, and more doing of my habits because that was ALL that was on my mind.  What you put your attention to grows and blossoms.  There was no room for co-creating a great life full of joy, love, family, and a garden for God’s sake!

Now, one day far off from that time I did get sober and found a spiritual program that worked for me.  Once I combined the two and had them well under my belt…VOILA!  My life took off and all that had once just been dreams in the forms of magazine photos glued to a board became my reality.  They didn’t happen exactly as I dreamt or always as flowery as the fantasy but I did the cruise, I had romance, I married, had the garden wedding, the babies, lived on a farm even.  Yay dream boards!!

So, to celebrate I’ll be making another one today.  I purchased a huge bag of magazines off Craigslist for a couple bucks, a board for .37 cents at Winco and with some old glue and scissors I will shape yet another future for myself and my family.

Good times!



Reset your mind. Watch your life blossom.


I was watching Joyce Meyers this morning as I folded mounds of laundry and enjoying a cup of creamy and sweet coffee.  I have a great life.  It is simple, we are not wealthy in our reality today, I have not become a huge success with my books…yet, and my family of two boys, husband, two large dogs, one cat, and myself are living in an 860 square foot cottage with a little yard out back.

My husband works a lot and I have no help with the children.  We are still new to this town and because I don’t work outside the home and taking classes, volunteering, and many activities don’t happen right now because of the age and dependence of my children…it is difficult to make friends and build community.  It could get very lonely.

Yet, I  am rarely tired (even with two little people and I’m 46) and I am very happy and content.  Only when I let my mind go in negative valleys and begin to think as I was taught to think as a child…that can blow up into a full on depression.  Lately, I have immersed myself into all that is positive.  I have a huge spiritual practice of learning, studying, reading, practicing at this time and each day I grow more grateful, more wholesome of mind and spirit, and happy.  Each day I see my outer life reflecting all the deliciousness brewing inside my mind.

My vibration is getting higher and I’m attracting abundance that it is even spilling out to those around us in a great way.  I’ll tell you a short story;

My family went to Clearlake to visit a couple that we adore and consider our family.  They have plenty of properties all over the place and some of them they rent out as B and B’s.  This was one of the homes and the guest had just left.  My friends were up there cleaning and preparing for the new guest.  We drove the two hours to be with them.  We took up all our spices, chicken, and Atta to make them a wonderful Indian curry dinner complete with Indian tea and Prada (Indian tortillas with butter).

We sat around the table talking about Law of Attraction and other works and teachings.  Our friends briefly mentioned having some money issues (even the wealthy can be poor) then we talked of attracting abundance.  We went on to eat, play, laugh, watch some spiritual things on the iPad, have a good time, play with the kids….

later that night I decided to make the boys some more chicken and I found adorable bowls with handles.  As I pulled the bowl down I see a hundred dollar bill in one of the bowls.  Voila!  The money is starting to come.  The people who stayed there had left the money.  My friends enjoyed a lot of abundances that day.  A home cooked Indian meal, $100 found in the dishes, and even learned some new teachings that will help them keep the good stuff coming in.

It is all small stuff, but it adds up.  The fun part is watching my life improve daily, knowing that each day there will be a blessing, a gift.  It’s also fun to ask a question and receive the answer.  It is like communicating with the unseen guides in our lives…it is exactly that.  We just tune in.  Once we let go, things flow into our lives.  Once we start paying attention, we get the help, the support, the answers.

Have you ever had a thought about something and then later you turned on the TV and there was a program that talked about that same thing?  Or you ask yourself a question, maybe even directly called on Spirit to answer this question and the next day you met a stranger, struck up a conversation and that stranger told you a story or said something that answered that question?  Maybe it was a song that came on the radio or a book that caught your eye at the bookstore?

Support and provisions are all around you.

What is in your mind?  Look around you.  There is your answer.  If you aren’t pleased the good news is that you can start a whole new life tomorrow!  Ask for Gods help, seek out teachings to help you find a new path.  There is so much great stuff out there and it’s SO FUN to change your life!  To find a new mission and create anew!  It starts out slow, but as you build up your spiritual strength, clear out the old, fill up on the new, feel-good stuff, as you get healthier and happier…life just keeps blossoming right before your eyes…and daily.  Notice even the tiniest of gifts, give gratitude for where you are and know that nothing stays the same.  You will not be in that apartment forever, you will not be at that job for decades.

Every thought you have will make decisions for you and everything you do today will effect tomorrow and the future.  What are you going to build each day?  It all starts with healing the mind.  Your whole future is in your mind.  You have control.  God and the Universe with the Laws of Attraction are just there to support you, to create and serve whatever it is you are dishing up.

Why not start making up new recipes?

Many Blessings!